I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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