so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A bitchslap is in order.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
