would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
