I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Randomize