I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
