You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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