It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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