I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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