So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
