He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
