Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize