Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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