Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
