she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
