it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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