im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
