It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
