woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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