3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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