does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
