Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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