this just has baby written all over it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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