rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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