How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
