I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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