dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
