This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
