I hate all girls vehemently.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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