Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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