Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
