At least make sure they are 18
Why
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
