Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
