I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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