Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize