so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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