I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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