I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
