I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
