you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
