I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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