do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
