he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize