C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
