So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
