you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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