I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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