I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
