You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
