sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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