I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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