I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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