Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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