I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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