Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
