Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize