Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
