Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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