just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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