I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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