Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
