If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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