i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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