meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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