I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
