He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
