I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
